Caroline and the Wedding Vow
by Kati
Summary: When Caroline starts dreaming about her wedding day, is her subconscious trying to send her a message? My conclusion to the season 4/series cliffhanger.


Caroline and the Wedding Vow

DISCLAIMER: The characters in the story are not mine. They belong to NBC, Two Sisters and Barron-Pennette. This is an amateur work of fan fiction and is not intended to infringe on any CitC copyright holders.

Caroline and the Wedding Vow

By

Kati

The church was filled to capacity, every pew packed with the shining, smiling faces of the people she loved.Her dress was long and white, her auburn hair framed by a spray of flowers and a delicate veil.She turned to her maid of honor and handed her the bouquet, squeezing her outstretched hand.Her best friend smiled back, blinking back tears, and placed the simple gold band in her palm, folding her fingers tightly around it.

Then she turned back to the man she loved, his smile of joy blindingly bright.She took his hand in hers and said, "I, Caroline, take you…"

***Richard.***

Her eyes flew open.She placed a hand on her chest, willing her heart to stop pounding.Beside her, the man she would marry tomorrow snored softly.

***Richard.***

Moonlight filtered through the filmy curtain, throwing patterns across the hardwood floor.She eased her legs off the bed and pushed the covers aside.

"Whatcha doin'?" the man beside her mumbled.

"Water," she whispered through gritted teeth.He grunted and rolled over, beginning to snore again.She slipped from the bed and padded into the bathroom.

She turned on the faucet and gripped the sides of the sink with trembling hands.In the mirror, she watched tears flow unchecked down her face.

***Richard.***

Even in her dreams, she could not let him go.

******

"Here comes the bride, all dressed in…" the brunette stopped, one hand still clutching the handle of the just-opened door.

"Umm… Caroline?"

She looked up, a wan smile on her face."Hey, Annie."

Annie looked around the apartment, puzzled."Okay, I'm confused.I know I'm terrible at remembering things, but I'm pretty sure you're getting married in a couple of hours.I'm all for casual chic, but sweatpants and a ratty Peshtigo t-shirt – in clashing colors, I might add – is taking it a little far."She strode over to the couch where Caroline sat and grabbed her hands."C'mon, off your duff, Ms. Duffy!Time to get Cinderella ready for the ball."

"I had the dream again last night."

"Oh."Annie abruptly let go of Caroline's hands, dropping her back onto the couch.She pivoted and sat down beside her, kicking her feet onto the coffee table and wrapping one arm around Caroline's shoulders."THE dream?"

Caroline nodded, tears welling in her eyes again. She brushed them away with an angry gesture.Today was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, dammit!She would not let this ruin it for her.

"Caroline, honey, you haven't had this dream in – what? – five months?"

"Six.Since right after…"

Annie nodded."The departure of the Angel of Death."

Caroline shrugged off her friend's comforting arm and stood up.She paced to the window, resting her hands on the sill and leaning her forehead against the glass."Annie, please…"

"I know, I know."She held up her hands in an apologetic gesture."Old habits are hard to break.It's just that I'm still so angry at him for leaving you like that."

Caroline pushed away from the window and walked to the kitchenette.She squirted dish soap in the sink and turned on the tap full blast."He didn't leave me, Annie.We … left each other."She plunged her hands into the rising suds and began soaping up a coffee mug."If anything, I pushed him away.But I just couldn't see myself not being a mom, you know? And when we stood there in the airport, and he said he didn't want any more kids…" Her voice trailed away."Just one more thing Julia had that I never would.His first love, sincere amore, first wife, and now mother of his child…" She rinsed the mug and dropped it in the dish drainer, then attacked another one."So he went to Rome, to his son, to her…"

"Why do you assume Richard is with Julia again?"

"Why else hasn't he contacted me?He probably walked in the villa, took one look at Madonna with child, and thanked God he left me back in the US of A."Her chin trembled as she rinsed the mug and slammed it down next to the first.

"Honey, honey, honey…" Annie wrapped her arms around Caroline's shoulders, rocking her gently."As much as I rank on Richie, I know in my heart that he loves you."

"Loved," Caroline corrected.

"Loves," Annie said firmly."You can't just turn off a love like that."She snapped off the running water.She stopped, color rising in her cheeks."Oh, my God, Caroline.I'm so sorry.Here you are, marrying Randy today, and I'm shoving Richard down your throat.Some maid of honor I am."

"It's okay."Caroline leaned back into Annie's comforting embrace."I just don't get it.Randy is funny, sweet, gorgeous, and we want the same things out of life.So why am I dreaming about Richard now?"

Annie walked to the couch and sat again.She patted the cushion; Caroline joined her, resting her head on Annie's shoulder."You know, Caroline, I'm getting the weirdest sense of déjà vu here."

"What do you mean?"

"Think back.The day before the day before you're supposed to marry Del.You have this strange dream…"

Caroline buried her face in her hands.

***Richard.***

Then, just her colorist.Only a friend.But a dream so vivid, a kiss so compelling, the memory stayed with her for months, through his unexplained absence.The first time he left her.

That first dream had returned again and again, during those lonely months after she'd called off the wedding to Del.Sometimes it blended with the kiss at Remo's, the unexpectedly passionate embrace when Richard had turned to her with a look of shock and joy and breathed, "Caroline …you got the letter?"Sometimes it was just that first, dream-driven kiss.But both had haunted her, almost as much as his absence.The loft seemed vastly different once Richard disappeared.She'd missed his grumbly comments from the other side of the desk, the snippy fights with Annie, the way the sunlight danced off his hair in the late afternoon.

Even when he returned, the ache of losing him never quite went away, tucked in a corner of her soul, to be brought to the surface each time he turned away.

To be fair, though, she had done her share of running.First Joe, then Trevor.And now Randy?

She sat up, shaking her head emphatically."No."

"No, what?"Annie asked.

"I'm not going to fall into this trap again.The dream was not a sign or an omen or anything.I was just being nostalgic, right?I mean, this is a big change – a huge step – and I'm saying goodbye to my old life.Richard is my past.Randy is my future."She stood, a firm set to her jaw."A future that starts in… FOUR HOURS??!?!?"She grabbed Annie's arm and pulled her to the stairs."Why are we sitting around talking?Come on.Make me beautiful!"

She charged up the stairs, dragging a dubious Annie behind her.

******

The church was filled to capacity, every pew packed with the shining, smiling faces of the people she loved.Her dress was long and white, her auburn curls tied back with a delicate ribbon.She turned to her maid of honor and smiled.Her best friend smiled back, blinking back tears, and said, "you ready?"

"I – I'm sweating and I'm nauseous."

Annie grinned."You're ready."She turned and walked through the doorway into the church.

Caroline stood in the vestibule, waiting for the music that would signal her entrance.She took a deep breath and pasted a smile on her face.It was her wedding day.And the man at the end of the aisle waited for her.

***Randy, Randy, Randy…* she chanted in her mind as she took her father's arm.**What bad luck was it that she chose two men whose names started with the same first letter?If she slipped and said the wrong name, she'd never be able to live with herself.

It WAS the wrong name, though, wasn't it?She shuddered inside.This was such a permanent step.She didn't believe in sort-of being married.She would be with Randy for the rest of her life.

"That's us!" her father said, beginning their walk down the aisle.Caroline smiled more brightly.Randy loved Peshtigo.He wanted lots of children.He was a doctor.And he loved her.She was doing the right thing.

At the end of the aisle, her father kissed her and placed her hand in Randy's.He looked so handsome in his tuxedo, smiling adoringly down at her.She smiled back, ignoring the twinge of disappointment that threatened to break through the wall in her soul.She turned her attention back to the minister, listening guiltily as he said, "if anyone here knows any reason these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold their peace."

*Please, Annie, keep your mouth shut…*But before the thought had fully formed, a baby's cry pierced the silence.*A baby?* she thought as she turned around to look at the congregation.*I thought all the kids were in the nursery for the service…*

The wails continued, and she followed the sound upwards to the choir loft.There, 

desperately trying to shush his crying child, was Richard.

A shock ran through her, forcing tears to her eyes.As if realizing that he was the center of attention, Richard looked up from his baby and glanced around the church.His eyes met Caroline's, and held there.A sad, slow smile curved across his mouth, and he waved briefly, still clutching the rattle.

Without even realizing it, Caroline had stepped down from the altar, away from Randy.He took a belated step forward, then halted, unsure.Caroline tilted her head and stared at Richard.Annie scuffed her toe on the carpet.

"Honey, your nearest exit is right over there," her mom informed her helpfully.She glanced around, noting the puzzled looks, the confused faces.It was as if the whole church was holding its collective breath.What would Caroline do?

Randy took a deep breath and walked over to Caroline, taking her hand."Honey, I think we should go somewhere and talk for a minute, okay?" he whispered.

She blinked."Hmmm?"The response seemed to come from far away.

He tugged at her hand."Talk.You and me.Private?"She looked from Richard to Randy and back again, then shook herself.

"Sure."Face burning, she followed Randy out the side door.The buzz of gossip and whispers grew as they walked away.At the doorway, she turned back and caught Annie's eye.Annie nodded briefly and slipped out the opposite door.

******

Richard stood in the choir loft and watched as Randy and Caroline left the church hand-in-hand.He looked down at the floor, then shifted Stefano to the crook of his neck.He rested his cheek against his son's downy-soft head."Well, it was a long shot, kiddo," he said quietly."Time to move on."

"Don't even think about it," a familiar voice drawled.Richard turned around.Annie lounged across the open doorway, effectively cutting off his escape route.

"Annie, please…"

"Annie, please…" she mimicked."What, no hello?No 'howya doing, Annie'?No, you just want a favor.Typical."

"Howya doing, Annie."His dry monotone was stronger than usual."Now will you let me go?"

"No way, buddy.You show up unannounced, UNINVITED, on the day of Caroline's wedding, disrupt the ceremony, and then try to sneak out?Uh-uh.Time for a little Q and A, my friend."

"If you were a **friend, you'd let me go.**Don't you think I've been humiliated enough today?"

"I have not yet BEGUN to humiliate, Richie."

Richard sighed and looked at Annie."And this affects you how?"

"Oh, give it a rest, Karinsky!I was left here to pick up the pieces after you ran away.Again."

He gestured toward the altar of the church."The pieces seem to be put back together quite nicely."

Annie rolled her eyes."Boy, you really are Mr. Perceptive today."

Richard shifted Stefano to a more comfortable position."Gee, the church full of guests, the white dress and, oh, the GROOM were all dead giveaways.I've been gone less than seven months – it would take Caroline that long just to plan an event like this.We weren't meant to be, I guess.I just had to see it for myself."

"Not meant to be, huh?Richard, she cried her eyes out for weeks after you left.Look, Randy's a great guy.And he really loves Caroline…"

"Wow, I feel better already."

"Oh, shut up and let me finish.He loves Caroline, and she cares for him, too, otherwise we wouldn't be having this conversation in the choir loft of a church.But I think everyone knows part of her was always thinking about you."

Richard hardly dared to look up."Really?" he breathed.

"Richie, if she really loved him, if she knew one hundred percent that he was 'the one', we'd be throwing rice by now, crying baby or no crying baby."Annie shook her head."I, personally, don't get it, but that's the way it is."

"Annie?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you telling me this?"

Annie smiled sheepishly."Let's just say I have a little more tolerance for so-called mis-matched couples these days."

"Annie!"The hissed whisper echoed in the stairwell to the choir loft.Annie winced and slapped a hand to her forehead."Annie, I'm having some trouble here…"

"What is it, Del?"

"I don't know how I'm supposed to attach this boutonniere, since it's all I'm allowed to be wearing."

"You didn't!"Annie whirled around and raced toward the top of the stairs."Del, you idiot, this is an OPEN choir loft and there are over a hundred people downstairs!Just what do you think you're…"She stopped abruptly as a fully clothed Del appeared around the corner.He planted a swift kiss on top of her head.

"Relax, sweetheart, I'm just playing."Del turned to Richard and stuck out his hand."Welcome back, bud."

Richard shifted Stefano in his arms so he could shake Del's hand."Thanks, uh, bud."He shook his head and grimaced."I cannot believe I just said that."

Annie tapped Del on the shoulder."Um, sweetie, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"What in the world are you doing up here?"

He smiled at her."Just offering a helping hand, a male perspective, my own special insight…"Annie rolled her eyes."Okay, I was dyin' down there.You know I can't stand being out of the loop.Anyway, I'm here.Put me to work.Want me to rough him up a little?"

"Tempting offer," Annie said thoughtfully.

Richard took a step back."Whoa, wait a minute here.Man holding baby.No need for violence."

Del raised his hands."Kiddin'.But seriously, Annie, how can I help?"

"Maybe you can get Chatty Cathy here to open up a little," Annie said."Honestly, Richard, what are you doing here?Why now?"

"You know, the only person I owe an explanation to is Caroline."

  
"Yeah, well, you're not getting anywhere near her until we say so."

"Fine."Richard picked up Stefano's diaper bag and slung it over his shoulder."I can't imagine she wants to talk to me, anyway, so I'll be going now."He stopped again at the doorway, where Annie and Del both blocked his only exit."What are you doing?"

Annie crossed her arms."You may not want to talk to us, but you're going to talk.You walked out on my best friend in the whole world, and you're not leaving again until we know why you're back.Caroline sent me up here, and I need to be able to tell her something."

Richard sighed and balanced Stefano on his hip."Tell her that I …" he stopped abruptly and looked at Annie more closely."Wait a minute.Caroline sent you up here?What are you talking about?"

Annie waved a hand dismissively."She gave me 'the look' right before Randy dragged her out the door.Trust me, she wanted me to catch you before you took off again."

"I'm sorry, Annie.I just don't know what to tell you."Stefano started to fuss again.Richard sat down in the front pew and started rummaging through the diaper bag."When I heard that Caroline was getting married, it just about killed me.It didn't seem real, especially from another continent.I wasn't planning to swoop in here and carry her away; I just needed the confirmation.See it with my own two eyes, you know?"He pulled an empty bottle out of the bag and popped off the cap, fumbling for the can of formula."Getting hungry, kiddo?Sorry about that, Stefano – lunch will be ready in just a minute."

Annie smiled softly.She sat down next to Richard and placed her hand on his arm."Want me to hold him while you put that together?"She gathered Stefano in her arms and nuzzled the top of his head. 

Del shook his head in mock horror and backed up."Okay, this is too parental for me.Tell you what – you drag the story out of Richard and I'll hang out downstairs until Caroline and Randy are done talking."

"What for?"

"Well, if my instinct is correct, in just a few minutes I won't be the only guy Caroline's left at the altar.Hey!Maybe we could start a club!" Annie smacked him on the arm and he grinned, leaning in for a kiss."See ya later, babe.Hey Richard – good luck, man.Randy's a great guy, but I hope she picks you."He turned and loped down the stairs.

Richard poured formula into the bottle and capped it.He shook it vigorously, then held out his arms for Stefano.Annie shook her head and reached for the bottle.He handed it over reluctantly."Make sure you hold his head up so he doesn't get an ear infection.And he needs to be burped every three ounces…"

Annie snorted."Oh, please!Like I don't have seventeen cousins with babies.Although it is nice to see you so …"She stopped, focusing on Stefano.

"So what?"Richard asked.

"I don't know – so much like a Daddy.It suits you.Do you like it?"

"Being a dad?"Annie nodded."Oh, God yes.Stefano is the best thing that ever happened to me.Well, that and…"

"Yeah."They sat, lost in thought, as Stefano slurped noisily.

"I suppose you know all the details about why Caroline and I broke up."

"Yep."

"Well, the main one has changed.For me, at least.See, I had a hideous childhood.Absolutely miserable.And I was so afraid of repeating history that I wanted nothing to do with parenthood.I couldn't do that to an innocent child.But Stefano has changed all that.I've finally realized I am not my father – or my mother."

"It's about time."Annie and Richard whirled around.There, in the stairwell, stood Caroline, clouds of white fabric trailing behind her.

"I think that's my cue."Annie stood, still cradling Stefano in her arms, and shrugged the diaper bag onto one shoulder."I'll be downstairs with cutie-pie here.Don't worry," she added as Richard took a nervous step forward."He'll be fine.You two should talk without distractions – even one as adorable as Stefano."She smiled, then disappeared down the stairwell before Richard could object further.

Richard stood in the center of the room, staring nervously at the walls, his shoes, anything except the woman in front of him.Caroline chewed on her lower lip, shifting from one foot to the other.She cleared her throat, and Richard jumped at the sudden noise.

"Sorry."

"Don't be."They both fell silent again, avoiding each other's eyes.

Caroline stepped forward, tentatively entering the small choir loft."So."

"So," Richard echoed.

Caroline sighed, running one hand through her hair, dislodging the ribbon that held her curls in place.It tangled around her fingers; she frowned at it briefly, then dropped it on the floor at her feet.She crossed to the front pew and sank down."You're here."He nodded."So am I.I'm listening.Talk."

"God, where do I start?"

"How about how you ended up in Peshtigo, in the church, at my wedding?"

Richard shook his head and laughed softly.He sat down at the opposite end of the pew, clasping his hands between his knees."Two weeks ago I was at an outdoor café with Stefano when an odd character skated by."

Caroline nodded."Charlie."

"Uh-huh.He told me about the wedding, and before I knew it I was dragging Stefano onto an increasingly complicated series of flights to get here."

"And…um…Julia didn't mind?"Caroline squeezed her eyes shut, holding back tears at the thought of Richard's ex-wife.

Richard snorted."Julia couldn't spell Stefano's name if you paid her.She hasn't seen him for months.It wasn't an issue."

"Ah."Caroline blinked, breathless at the wave of relief that washed over her."So you and Julia…"

"Me and Julia?"Richard gaped at her."You thought that Julia and I …"

""Well, what did you expect me to think?"Caroline's temper flared, angry red spots appearing on her cheeks."After you got on that plane I heard nothing from you.Nothing.Of course I thought you and Julia…"

Richard cut her off."Well, we didn't.We aren't.Never will be.You should know me better than that."

In a voice hardly above a whisper, Caroline said, "I thought I did."

Both were silent for a long moment.Richard shuffled his feet and cleared his throat, then said, "I'm so sorry.I know it's not enough, can't ever be enough, but I am.I was wrong … about so many things."Caroline glanced at him, then looked down again."Most of all, I was wrong about me."

"What do you mean?"

"What I told you in the airport.I thought I didn't want kids, but now that I have Stefano in my life I can't imagine being without him.I was rigid, and inflexible, and scared out of my mind.So scared that I couldn't think straight.All I saw was how much being a parent frightened me – and I was totally blind to the fact that my fear was driving away the one true love of my life.My sincere amore."He cleared his throat again."I know I don't have any right to speak, but I'll never get this chance again.I love you more than you'll ever know, Caroline.My life without you isn't worth much.I was wrong.You were right.I want to have more children someday – but only if I can have them with you."He glanced sideways at Caroline.Her normally expressive face was blank, devoid of emotion.He sighed, slumping back in the pew."Well, there you have it in a nutshell.And I guess I'll be going now."

He stood and began to walk towards the doorway.As he passed in front of Caroline, her hand shot forward and grabbed his arm."Oh, no.I won't let you drop a bomb and run.Again."She pulled him backwards, dropping him unceremoniously into the pew.At the same time, she stood and began to pace."You say you were wrong.Well, I agree.You were wrong not to believe in yourself.You were wrong to leave the country for months without contacting me once.And you were wrong to wait until today to tell me this."Richard nodded, staring resolutely at the floor."I mean, my God, Richard!This was my wedding day.I mean is.I mean …" Caroline bit her lip."I was happy, Richard.I could have been happy with Randy.But you just had to show up and ruin it, didn't you?"

"I'm so sorry."

"Well, the people who say the third times a charm never met me."She laughed shakily."Randy and I talked.I guess I wasn't very convincing when I told him I wanted to go through with the wedding.He's the one who said no."

"He said no?But…"

"Why?He said he didn't want to feel like the third wheel in his own marriage."

"So."

"So," she repeated.

"Where do we go from here?"

She sat down next to him and tentatively reached for his hand. They both tensed a little at the shock that raced through them at that gentle touch."I don't know, Richard.You have a son and a life in Italy.I have six months of grief to work through.I almost married another man, for heaven's sake."She paused and looked at their hands.The fingers were entwined, clinging together."All I know is that when Stefano cried, and I saw you up here, I knew that I couldn't leave things they way we had left them.So here I am."

"Here you are," Richard echoed, a hopeful light in his eyes."And here I am.Julia gave up custody of Stefano, Caroline.If it's okay with you, we'll be moving back to New York.No strings attached," he added hastily."I know that's too much to ask.But I hope that someday we can rebuild what we had."

Caroline nodded slowly, biting her lip."It was pretty wonderful, wasn't it?" she said.

"The best," Richard agreed. 

"I'll need some time, you know."

"Of course."

"No rushing into things."

"No, no.I understand."

"But maybe…" she stopped.

"Maybe?" Richard prompted.

"I was thinking that you and Stefano could come over for dinner once we're all back in New York."

******

The church was empty, every pew littered with the remains of the wedding that wasn't – programs, flower petals, drooping ribbons from the pew markers.The shining, smiling faces of the people she loved had departed to hotel rooms and homes.Her dress was long and white, now wrinkled and a little dusty from the seldom-used choir loft.Her auburn curls were tousled and her flowers were forgotten.She turned to her maid of honor and handed her Stefano's blanket and the key to her hotel room, squeezing her outstretched hand.Her best friend smiled back and placed a kiss on her cheek before tiptoeing back down the stairwell. 

And then she looked into the face of the man she loved, asleep with his head in her lap, and knew that dreams sometimes did come true.


End file.
